So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
