its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
