her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
