Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize