I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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