im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
