my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
