I need to stop coming to work sober
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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