hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
