His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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