I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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