if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
