His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's blow job season.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
