John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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