You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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