i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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