this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
