Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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