If i come over, it means nothing
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
