Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
