I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
