living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
