if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize