Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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