so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This is my gift to your gina
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
