Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
