He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just googled if crying burns calories
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
