I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
