Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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