I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
