and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
