yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
