well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In other news, I just burned my penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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