Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
