I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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