i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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