last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
