He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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