thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
