This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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