Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
