Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
