My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
