The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
