My hand turned me down
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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