Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
