I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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