Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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