your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
barbara walters just said penis...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
