I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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