have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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