3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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