Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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