Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
