I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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