I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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