They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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