Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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