someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
