the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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