Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
