and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
