its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
