i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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