the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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