Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
