we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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