So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you would pick up someone in the library
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
