Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
