btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
