I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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