Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you would pick up someone in the library
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
