Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
